was cleaning out my drafts folder when i saw this.

it’s been a while since i’ve helped jeff out with his shoots. but more than that, it’s been a while since i was pregnant. it’s weird seeing my very pregnant self caught on video. back then, i didn’t want jeff taking videos of me, as i was very conscious of how i looked and how fat (and ugly) i felt.

which was all in my head. i mean, i wasn’t half bad!

preggies have this tendency to be too hard on themselves, i reckon. and i’m not just talking about the pressures from social media although there’s that factor as well. i’m talking more about the conversations we hold in our head while looking at our growing bodies in the mirror. the daily struggle to find clothes that fit without looking frumpy. the constant doubt whether we’re eating too much or too little. and in my case, how much my blood sugar was after every meal.

i wasn’t exactly a happy camper.

but then the kicks started which, for me, was the best part about being pregnant. let’s just say, i got a kick out of it. (sorry, i couldn’t help it.) i looked forward to those wiggles and watched in fascination as my belly moved in waves.

labor and the rest of gestation aside, in hindsight, i guess pregnancy ain’t so bad. we all get through it. yep, even the sleepless months after that.

all i’m saying is, if you’re one of those women who’s not exactly enjoying every moment of it for whatever reason, breathe. you’re still beautiful and you’re gonna be fine.

as much as i disliked the body changes i had no control of whatsoever, i would do it all over again in a heartbeat if it meant having raven in our lives. although if there’s an option to grow her from a flower a la thumbelina, i’d probably go that route. however, knowing how i can barely keep my peace lilies alive and they’re practically immortal, perhaps it’s best to just stick to the uterine method.

my gardening skills are busted.