The wicker basket we used as a prop now holds her toys where before she was so tiny she could fit in it.
Six years have gone by so fast. I said it before and I’ll say it again, you never know the value of time until you get to watch your kid(s) grow up right before your eyes. Blink and they’re no longer the babies you had to swaddle and hold close to your chest, although they will always be the babies you will always and forever hold close to your heart. Doesn’t matter how old they are.
I always thought motherhood instinct was something that would automatically kick in as soon as you walk in the door from the hospital with a baby in a capsule car seat. In my case, it was Jeff bringing her in as I had to race straight to the toilet to pee as I was busting and was holding it in throughout the 20-minute ride that felt longer than my labor. (No thanks to the Squeem I put on prior to our trip. Don’t ask.)
So, yeah, nah, it took some time before I felt confident in my role as a mother. Most of the time I had no idea what to do and was pretty much just winging everything when I wasn’t googling it. I also came to realize how, because you’re the mom, you suddenly have authority over this kid. Like, people come to you for advice on what to do with your own kid.
Like, bro, I ain’t even got my shit together! Jeff had to teach me how to put Raven in the car seat!
If there’s one thing I learned, though, it’s that kids are so fragile you always gotta hold them gently with extreme care. And I’m not talking just physically. I mean it in a general spiritual sense. Our role is to guide them into the light of their own paths and to protect them and bless them in their journey.
Raven has taught me a lot about myself. She makes me want to become a better person. She has shown me the greatness of my capabilities and I am so grateful to have her in my life. But that came with active conscious mothering on my part, as well. Dealing with my own demons so I don’t project them on to her. A trap we so easily fall into with our own upbringing and our past experiences.
It’s a lifelong journey. I may fail her once in a while due to my own shortcomings but rest assured, I am always trying my best to do right by her.
*Raven at 1 month old