i need to step up on my game. seriously.

i thought being a mother would suddenly transform you into a razzle-dazzle version of your boring self, if you’re not razzle-dazzle level already. which i’m not. you know, fancy baby showers and first birthdays and second birthdays, all the way up to their 18th or for as long as you can manage the headache that comes with planning them.

nope, not me. never had a baby shower. didn’t want to. and raven’s first birthday was as quiet as it went.

BUT MY GOD, I WAS FREAKING EMOTIONAL THE WHOLE DAY!

my baby! one year old already! ALREADY! where did time go? how did i not even notice?! all those milestones we celebrated were actually sneaky little signs of our baby’s growing independence. soon, she’ll be walking. and then running. and then saying goodbye to us.

as cute as they are right now, i should stop letting her wave bye-bye to me. shit is getting too real i’m about to bawl.

great. i’m still emotional! when the heck does this end, anyway?! her birthday was like, 5 days ago! i should’ve gotten hold of myself by now.

anyway, as her first birthday fell on a thursday, i figured i just wanted a very simple celebration. just me, jeff, and my sister. and raven, of course. i almost forgot. but then again, even if her birthday fell on a weekend, i probably would still want a simple celebration because that’s just how i roll.

i like intimate parties. big ones stress me out, especially if i’m the one hosting. i think it’s because i absorb too much of people’s vibes. it drains me. plus, there’s that pressure to make sure all the guests have fun. i already told you i’m boring, yeah? so it’s also too much for the people-pleaser in me to handle. i don’t exactly shine on those occasions. but put me in a quiet corner with maybe one or two people to actually have a real conversation with and i fucking sparkle!

yep, like a goddamn unicorn.

so we had dinner at positano. just around the corner from our place. easier on all of us. less hassle. it was raining too.

mashed potato: her first official restaurant meal.

my eyebrows were on fleek but i totally forgot to bring her eating paraphernalia. because my eyebrows were on fleek.

she managed pretty well, though. ate out of a teaspoon. drank out of the glass. this kid is such a trooper. with my kind of forgetful mothering, she can make it through doomsday!

i guess i’m not such a bad mother, after all. her whole entire childhood would also be known as “doomsday prepping drills.”

oh, and that bump on her left forehead? she hit her head against the closet.

and that bump on my left forehead? she hit me. was trying to stand up on the bed and landed smack on top of me i thought i cracked my skull.

we’re just on the first year of our mother-daughter team. can’t wait to see how the following years pan out.

birthdays wouldn’t be a birthday without a cake. or in this case, a doughnut. el2 bought her two from doughnut time. people line up for their donuts you’d think it must be really good!

it’s okay. so-so. as bad as krispy kreme for you is, i like it better.

spent what was supposed to be her bedtime opening her auntie rosie’s present.

the tiger hat… what can i say?

*raven at 12 months old