parenting is a lot like walking on eggshells, i reckon. i mean, i’m the kind of person who abuses google and i can tell you right now that in the business of raising kids, every article you read would be a contradiction to the other.

letting a baby “cry it out” fosters independence.

babies who co-slept turn out to be more emotionally stable adults and therefore less likely to become future axe murderers.

and let’s not get started on the whole breastfeeding war which, frankly speaking, is a load of bullshit that puts a lot of pressure on mothers to a point of guilt when they find they couldn’t do it for whatever reason. and those who do breastfeed are put to shame when then they do so publicly.

either way, you’re screwed. it’s always gonna be a catch-22 and you’ll always be left wondering if you’re doing the right thing.

considering the number of parenting articles i studied for the sake of “weighing my options” (the freakin’ libran that i am), i’m amazed that i still have my sanity intact. relatively speaking.

the first time parents group meetings really helped a lot. here are some of the things the nurse pointed out that really hit home. i’ll bullet-point them for you to give you the impression that i’m one organized asshole:

• STOP GOOGLING!

lol. guilty as charged. i can’t help it. i have this pathologic condition of googling everything that arouses my curiosity — from “signs of baby’s growth spurt” to “how to wear a head scarf without looking like a cancer patient.” i’m not even kidding on the last one. somehow i feel like the more accurate my key phrases are, the more accurate the results i’m gonna get. which isn’t always the case because, you know, head scarves can be quite a tricky look to pull off.

• DON’T COMPARE YOUR BABY TO OTHER BABIES. IT’S NOT FAIR TO YOU, IT’S NOT FAIR TO THE OTHER BABY, AND IT’S DEFINITELY NOT FAIR TO YOUR BABY.

because, you know, every baby is different. some reach their milestones earlier than others but those who don’t do catch up at some point, sometimes even overtaking the early bloomers. they need to take their sweet time. as long as they’re happy and they’re doing well for their age, that’s all that matters.

and i’m sorry if it looked like i was screaming.

• JUST DO WHAT WORKS BEST FOR YOU.

even some random stranger wouldn’t hesitate to give you “a bit of advice” but at the end of the day, it’s just you and your child. and you know your child better than anyone else so trust your instincts. you could be wrong but you learn. and you could be right but what works for your baby now might not be as effective later. it’s really all just trial and error.

i reckon we’re all just trying to wing it.

here’s my baby on our way out to last friday’s group meeting, looking all calm and angelic despite the fact that we were running 30 minutes late and i was a ball of nerves.

because she started to get fussy at the last minute but when i tried to nurse her, she decided she wasn’t hungry after all.

because it was raining and i knew i had to carry her car seat from the parking lot to the building and i’m telling you, that shit is heavy! plus, i still struggle with putting the car seat in and taking it out. i wrestle with that damn thing all the time.

because i was nervous at having to breastfeed her there, knowing that she might need a feed in an hour or two. and i still get anxious about breastfeeding in public. even if it’s around other first time moms like myself.

i bought a big kimono on sale that day. i reckon it would come in handy for that purpose. we’ll see how it goes.

*raven at 2 months old