consider this whole entire post a fiction

he worries that i haven’t been blogging lately. i tell him i have nothing to write. he counters that i have heaps of blogging material just waiting to see the light of day, starting with the world food festival at dandy market a couple of weeks ago.

i make an attempt of a flimsy excuse: i have nothing to say about it.

“yes, you do,” he insists.

so here i am trying — and failing — to blog about something of value. even if that value only applies to me and my so-called standards. it’s one of those dead days, i guess. and no, i’m not blaming my hormones this time. it is what it is.

yesterday, after visiting a dear friend, i realized how important it is to have a hobby. especially when you’re old and gray. most especially at that stage in your life, if you ever find yourself (un)lucky enough to get there. because by then, most of your friends are either dead or dying. the few ones who are still alive are busy looking after their grandchildren. social get-togethers are few and far between.

and so you’re stuck with yourself, pretty much. and with nothing to do and nowhere to be, loneliness creeps in and you’re left holding on to people you shouldn’t be holding on to simply because you’re scared of being alone. even if you still feel alone anyway. which is probably the next worse feeling in the world after loneliness.

and being introverted has its own ultimate perks too since you don’t need other people to energize your spirit. you’re happy in your own company.

i tell myself i’m lucky to have writing as an outlet, considering my scarce talents, if at all. but right now, i don’t think i’m doing a very good job at maintaining it. well, not this blog anyway. there’s just too many internal issues. and then there’s me holding myself back simply because i don’t have the courage to bare my soul. even if i could, i wouldn’t even think of going there. so that, in itself, is a non-issue. a contradiction to a contradiction.

this is me mindlessly typing away whatever shit comes to mind. hoping to dust off the cobwebs clinging to the neurons in my brain. hoping to awaken that sleeping part of me.

i think i want ice cream.

15 thoughts on “consider this whole entire post a fiction

  1. Awww. I am like that a lot of my time too with my book and blog. I’d sit down and want to write…but I feel lazy and achieve only a paragraph after a night. Like you, I crave ice-cream and that can be a big distraction 😀

    Doing something we love is important. It gives us something to look forward too…if we can get up and do it! Always like your writing 💕

    • it’s good to know that i’m not the only one although to be honest, i find it surprising that you go through those phases as well considering that you write so eloquently and with such order that it gives me the impression that words flow through you as smoothly as syrup.

      i like what you said about how doing what we love gives us something to look forward to… IF we can get up and do it. it’s funny but it’s true.

      some days, writer’s block (or pure laziness) can be a real pain in the bum.

      • I go through those lazy, don’t want to write phases a lot! I also like to take my time to think of what I want to write and what I feel and how to put that all into words. Easier said then done. Hahaha, thank you but no, my words don’t flow as smooth as syrup 😀

        Some days, we just want to take it easy and relax. No pressure. Simple as that 😀

  2. “this is me mindlessly typing away whatever shit comes to mind. hoping to dust off the cobwebs clinging to the neurons in my brain. hoping to awaken that sleeping part of me.”

    Ugh. Having “this” today and tonight! Ha! I’m glad you posted this! (:

    • no worries. as a fellow creature stuck in the same vacuum, i say welcome to the void and enjoy your stay! lol.

      on a serious note, it sure sucks, huh?

      • Yea, it sure sucks because you seem to want to do something but nothing gets out of your head and system. But I think it’s part of the process of actually “getting something” out of yourself. It just feels at the moment like nothing’s happening, but in the long run it turns out to be the source of more good things. Write more of your “void moments,” because you surely are pushing other writers to keep on writing! *claps*

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s