I mean, it’s not like somebody died.

But the way I carried on at work this morning, it probably seemed like it. I feel sorry for my patient whom I had to interact with, my eyes all red and puffy from crying last night. As well as on the drive to work. Before breaking down once more in front of sympathetic colleagues before barely getting my shit together to do what I’m paid for because not only did I need the money, but we were also understaffed so… chop-chop!

“So what procedure are you having done today?” I asked my patient with a smile that contradicted my smudged eyeliner. A kind middle-aged man who was probably wondering what the fuck was wrong with his nurse; or if colonoscopy really was that bad that even the staff couldn’t help bawling over it. He sure as hell looked awkward looking at me looking all awkward. The feeling was definitely mutual.

I knew I couldn’t do my assigned role today the moment tears started streaming down my eyes as I helped him get changed into a patient gown. I did my best to sort him out and get him settled before I went out of the room to sort myself out! I had to swap roles so I could spend the rest of the shift brushing scopes when I wasn’t brushing away my tears.

No, nobody died.

But my sister flew out to France today to start her own journey and while I am excited for her, it’s also making me very very very(!) sad.

Because she was bestfriend here, you know.

We went through our ups and downs here together and it breaks my heart to have her sooooo fucking far away.