I have been low-key obsessing on Keanu Reeves the last couple of days, googling whatever article or quotes I could find about him. I find his spirituality sexy. And the fact that he’s a very private person without much press release aside from when he’s promoting his movies makes me want to dig deeper about him more.

If there’s one famous person I would want to have a conversation with, it would probably be him. I probably wouldn’t mention ‘The Matrix’ because I’ve never seen the movie. And the only reason I watched John Wick: Chapter 3 was because Jeff held me hostage on the couch. I sat there — transfixed — staring at one bloody scene after another that at the end of the movie, all I could say was, “How the fuck he did manage to live through all of that?!” I was incredulous.

Turns out real-life Keanu lived through a lot, as well. A lot of deaths — both literal and figurative, I can only suppose because it’s not like we’re close or whatever.

But, yeah, I’m a fan of his depth, his wisdom, and his humility. That’s what draws me to him.

“Well, for the character and in life, it’s about the love of the person you’re grieving for, and any time you can keep company with that fire, it is warm. I absolutely relate to that, and I don’t think you ever work through it. Grief and loss, those are things that don’t ever go away. They stay with you.”

-Keanu Reeves, on what it is about grief that interests him

And because his somber persona had quite an interesting effect on me, I found myself listening to The Milk Carton Kids’ A Sea of Roses on repeat. The perfect background music for when I just wanna curl inside my shell and live in the dark hollows of missing my dad so, so, so very much.