with my dad being sick, lately i find myself philosophizing about how life can be such a beautiful bitch.
on one hand, there’s light and love and laughter.
on the other hand, there’s darkness, despair, and death.
i hate to sound morbid but the plain and honest truth is, i’m scared.
i’m scared of losing the people i love the most.
my parents, most especially. and raven too, of course.
“what about me?!” jeff wailed when i told him about it and this journey i’m on to become a f%cking philosopher almost overnight.
“you’ll live,” i replied candidly, laughing because the dude had a point and i totally missed him in my calculation.
but then again, there’s my sisters and my friends that didn’t make it to the initial count either but that’s not to say they’re not on the list or that i wouldn’t be devastated if i lose them.
because i will.
just as i imagine raven would too when she loses me one day.
it’s all a f%cking cycle.
the pauses between 
it will be difficult but its a normal cycle. my mom told me that i should have a family of my own so its easier for her and for me.. what i cannot accept is having to bury your own child… that is NOT normal then….
as sad as it is, it is a reality i am slowly learning to accept. life, indeed, is temporary. no one knows how much time they have, old or young. it’s best to just make the most out of it, i guess, and find comfort in the fact that we would all be reunited with our loved ones someday.
and, yes, i can’t even begin to imagine the pain of losing a child. having one myself, i cannot — and would not — even allow myself to think about it. i reckon it would just kill me.
well, aren’t we a ray of sunshine, hey? lol. blame it on my post. but then again, everything’s not always rainbows and roses.
hope you’re having a nice day in your side of the world. 🙂