full disclosure: i never really had a definite plan when it comes to my wedding. partly because i wasn’t one of those girls who dreamed about it all their life; mainly because i never expected to get married in the first place. and on the off chance that i did, i just wanted it to be simple.

fast forward to 3 months ago and i realized how vague the word “simple” actually means. because there are a lot of things to think about. and knowing me, i tend to overthink things and when i do, i worry and then brood about it. and i hate it when i brood so i disregard the problem altogether by not thinking about it anymore.

thank god for my sister, el2, she pretty much planned the whole wedding for me. it was such a relief to have her here. i didn’t know what i would do without her. she had been nothing but amazing! (i’m guessing she’s secretly one of those girls i was talking about earlier, which i exploited to my advantage. tee hee.)

i guess you can say i was pretty chill. too chill, she always complained. in my head, i kept telling myself, “relax, it’s just a wedding.” if you have to ask, i wasn’t really nervous about the wedding itself (except for that time i begged jeff if we could just elope. lol. social anxiety disorder issues.) what i was most nervous about, though, was doing my own makeup. i kind of had a nervous breakdown panicked at the thought of looking like a very stoned version of courtney love if i messed it up. but it turned out alright, i reckon. i mean, it wasn’t half bad. sitting there on the floor with a towel wrapped around my waist with selena gomez’s the heart wants what it wants on loop somewhere in the background to calm my nerves, i’m proud to say that i winged it. i even did my sister’s for a bit (before we ran out of time) and then she did my hair as well so it was pretty much like a makeup game that i used to play with my then 5-year old niece, where i’d let her paint my eyelids glittery blue, my cheeks bright pink, and my lips dark red and then listen to her exclaim in her cutest girly voice, “there, you look very pretty now, janjan!” (gawd, i miss her.)

makeup aside, i’m really grateful to have my mom and my sister there. it just made a world of difference having that kind of support. it would’ve been nice to have may-ann and my nieces there too but for what it’s worth, on that day i held them close to my heart. like i always do.