another baby died on my watch today. the fourth baby to die on my shift in a span of a year. he was a very fragile preterm but a true fighter, nonetheless. for a month or so, he needed only 0.5 liters of oxygen via nasal cannula. simply put, it was more of a minute supplement than a life support. we all thought he’d be able to wing it, as he sure had the spirit of a fighter.

days shy of his second month under our care, he suddenly needed a machine to breathe for him. i couldn’t help but ask, had he given up? just like that? after 47 days of fighting?

and then, just as suddenly, i chalk the experience up as another one of those “everything happens for a reason” thingie. eat. laugh. talk. the layers of indifference piling thicker and thicker on my skin. i guess when you’re constantly exposed to certain things, you start to get immune to it. even to death. and the thought that i am slowly getting jaded sends warning signals to my soul to try to reclaim a piece of it that i lost along the way.

don’t get me wrong. i do sympathize with the family but it’s what i’m starting to call an “indifferent sympathy.” i don’t know how else to call it. just that. and i do pray for the souls of those babies, like my dad keeps reminding me, whether they’re healthy or not. i am in the position to pray for those innocent angels, after all. i am given the wonderful opportunity to silently bless them at the very start of their journey.

going back, i can just imagine how heartbroken the mother must feel after losing her baby on Mother’s Day. sadly, the family wasn’t there when the baby expired, as they live south and have to travel for hours just to get to the hospital. but it’s not to say they were never there for their kid because God knows how great their effort and prayers were. their baby survived that long because they gave him everything he needed simply to survive.

gud pm! thanks for d info, wer on our way nw for —… i knw dat GOD has a plan for everything. maybe is just a part of a wake up call to my family 4 i do believe n myself, dat he was d PRIZE of my SERVICE as public oficial, since during d pregnancy of my WIFE wev always ARGUE for nothing.. i know VINCENT FELT dat… but anyway THANKS TO ALL THE PEDIA/NURSERY STAFF, for taking CARE of my SON, for 47 days… usbon nko KINASINGKASING nkong PASALAMAT NINYO MAM.. GOD BLESS!
— an sms sent by the baby’s father

one thing i learned out of this, we need to show more love to the people we love. who knows how long they would be with us? 47 days? 47 years? nobody knows. they might be gone faster than you can even say “stay.”

pardon the drama.