my sister promised to shout me $20 to go with her to bunnings. if it’s not food, then it’s bunnings. i’m easy to bribe. in my head, i was already thinking of the terracotta pots — and terracotta pots ONLY — that i wanted to get.

but that’s the thing with bunnings. you go in there with all your defenses up but immediately crumbles at the sight of plants looking pretty on the shelves practically cat-calling you, screaming for your money. f%cking whores.

so there i was, lusting looking around in the garden section doing maths in my head — adding up the prices of the plants i wanted to get, then painfully subtracting them once they reached past the promised $20.

like in everything else, i was an average at math. i didn’t excel at it but i didn’t miserably flunk it either. so the moment i had a look at this star jasmine plant and saw that that alone was $30, i knew i was going down. it was going to be a bloody fight.

meanwhile, in the paints section, raven was busy dumping bottle after bottle of 500ml washable paint in her little trolley — pretty much all the colors they had in stock. el2, who was with her at the time, called me on the phone, “guess what your daughter is doing.”

i walked halfway across the warehouse to get to them and sure enough, her trolley was full. her stuffed bunny bore the brunt of the weight of her shopping. as much as i would have wanted to buy them all for her, that’s what i’ve been planning to get her for christmas and i didn’t wanna ruin the surprise. (poor thing had been asking me to buy her paints for weeks now after hers ran out.)

as a compromise, i got her a face paint and a small set of washable paints which will do in the meantime. for myself, i bought two pots of succulents and this purple and white lavender-looking plant which i can only hope would thrive under my care.

no terracotta pots happened at all.

on a side note, if you’re looking for a stake to support your tomato vines, or simply to drive through a vampire’s heart, trust me when i say that bunnings has got you covered. aisle 23. (or was it 24?) i know because i was looking for a trellis so i can train my bridal veil plant to crawl. to be honest, it looks like it’s bald and dying but i’m optimistic that it’s just hibernating, nevermind that it’s spring and spring is supposed to be when they come to life. my plant is probably just a bit slow in terms of developmental milestones but she’ll catch up. in her own time. like i did.

anyhoo, after blowing an extra $20 out-of-pocket at the counter against my will with my sister smiling impishly next to me, i went home and this is how the rest of the morning found us:

a house just as messy as this baby.

it wasn’t that bad at first. when i saw her, she was in the process of prying the paper lid halfway open and scooping a bit of paint out with her finger and a popsicle stick.

i was the one who peeled the rest of the lid off and smudged her leg extensively with blue, before moving on to her face and then opening the yellow and layering it on top to create a beautiful green. her face and body was my very supple and smooth canvas where i learned about colour theory right on the spot, turning her into an avatar in the process. that, i take full responsibility for.

in her defense, all she did was enthusiastically take my lead so if there’s anyone to blame, that would be my sister for inviting us to go to bunnings in the first place.

how was i to know that things would escalate so quickly?!

*raven at 2 years old