i buried the memories long before they buried him.

so when they told me the news, there was nothing there to hold on to.

no love.

no hate.

no anger.

no sympathy.

nothing.

but, sitting there in that clinic waiting for the next two rounds of venipuncture for the freakin’ oral glucose tolerance test I had been consciously postponing out of fear that my pancreas will fail it again, some of the memories bubbled up to the surface.

the good ones.

i guess he wasn’t all that bad.

i mean, in some crucial moments of my life, he was there for me. when he wasn’t.

but oh, how this song haunts me so like a ghost of the past i can barely remember anymore.

as if it’s dedicated especially for me.

in my dreams, i’m still running away from him.