that’s the word that best sums up my feeling right now. and you know me, i like to label my emotions. especially those that need definition the most in times of crisis. like, for example, a broken external hard drive that had years’ and years’ worth of photos in it — meticulously filed by year and within every folder are subfolders properly titled for easy reference because i’m OC like that.
yep, broken. what was once a treasure trove of memories now a useless piece of perpetual whirring noise contraption.
theory goes that there are 5 stages of grief and loss: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. at the moment, i’m sliding back and forth between denial and acceptance. a very bipolar reaction, i know, but see, a part of me is hoping against hope that i can still retrieve all 600GB of those files.
the other part is saying fuck it.
it hurts. but i try to console myself that at the very least, i blogged about those moments. complete with backstories so it’s not the end of the world. for one thing, it taught me to value the memories more and imprint them in my heart (and subsequently post them on my blog asap) instead of relying on some gadget to remember them for me.
okay, who am i kidding? i need an external device to help me remember shit because let’s be honest, i’m getting old.
i mean, not as old as jeff but, hey, i’m getting there. hahaha. i love you, porky. fix my hard drive???