on infidelity

for the record, i love TED talks. either by stumbling upon them on social media sites or being referred to watch them, i love them all the same.

this one in particular was girly’s recommendation. or should i say, forceful prodding?

“listen to it sometime. it will change your life. or not.” she said.

that was last saturday. two days ago, she vibered me again. “have you watched it yet?”

i felt an oncoming panic attack as i hurriedly scrolled up, up, up through our viber chat looking for that damn link she sent me 6 days ago. 6 days! if you know girlie like i know girlie, she’s relentless. if she so much as tells you that you watch a video or listen to a podcast that she feels would definitely make a cosmic impact on your life, you better stop playing candy crush and do it, mate. because she will not stop until she squeezes an input out of your own personal realizations.

that’s what i love about her. the fact that we can both philosophize shit together while simultaneously discussing the best way to cook humba (braised pork). she’s a really good writer too. she has a private blog where she writes with brutal honesty it’s both soothing and heart-wrenching at the same time.

so, anyway, she told me to watch this video about infidelity. and i’m glad i did. i think you would, too.

assuming that i understood everything that i heard correctly, i think that the whole point of the talk is to stare at infidelity in the face and look at it objectively. be scientific about it, even. ask the right questions. formulate reasonable hypotheses.

but i’m not gonna lie: it fucking scares me.

But then we have another paradox that we’re dealing with these days. Because of this romantic ideal, we are relying on our partner’s fidelity with a unique fervor. But we also have never been more inclined to stray, and not because we have new desires today, but because we live in an era where we feel that we are entitled to pursue our desires, because this is the culture where I deserve to be happy. And if we used to divorce because we were unhappy, today we divorce because we could be happier. And if divorce carried all the shame, today, choosing to stay when you can leave is the new shame. — Esther Perel

6 thoughts on “on infidelity

  1. Oh wow I know why this was so hard for you to get to! This is very scary! I almost didn’t watch it but then I was brave and did and I’m glad I did! Wow what a wonderful post!

    1. it is, huh? it really gives you a different perspective on something that we fear is so common these days.

      but to be honest, if it happens to me, i’d probably still freak out and get emotional over it in spite having listened to the talk. lol.

  2. hahaah! you made me sound like a bully!! 🙂 which i am not. i just think this is a great discussion which needs to be shared. lols. i sent you the link a mere 2 days ago, i wasn’t hounding. i was excited to have a conversation about it. but im glad you were glad you watched it. don’t be scared, you are a pretty decent person, you know better than to succumb to fear (of anything). *hugs*

    1. you ARE a bully! (is 1 really 1? hahahahahaha.)

      thanks for sharing it with me, though. did i tell you i shared it with jeff as well?

      thanks, geng. =)

        1. he thought it was interesting. i know we kinda talked about it but i kinda forgot what his input was because if i remember correctly, it was me who excitedly did most of the talking about what i thought of it. hahaha.

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