the thing with having a photographer boyfriend is that sometimes, you default to being their model. whether you like it or not. because whether they like it or not too, they don’t have much of a choice either. which basically means you’re both pretty much stuck with each other.

you can be a lousy model but there’s really no other way around it but to deal. either you embrace it or go passive-aggressive about it, the latter being my go-to defense mechanism the first few times, silently and grudgingly standing in front of jeff’s beast-looking camera. projecting a picture-perfect impression of the phrase “if looks could kill.”

except that most of the time, i end up looking like an addict. a homicidal one, at that. lol.

but then later on, i kind of started to just go with the flow. like that time we did an impromptu photo shoot in the lounge room while testing his newly-bought lights and flashes.

the secret, i realized, is to not care. at all. the sooner you shed whatever ounce of self-consciousness you have, the easier the shoot goes. to put it more succinctly, the less f*cks you give, the better. true story. haha.

i wasn’t supposed to post these photos but in the process of transferring them to my external hard drive, the thought of them fading into electronic oblivion saddened me. same feeling that i feel about unwritten memories left to gather dust until they turn to powder in the attic of my mind. whatever.

so, yeah, these random photo shoots were so random that one time, jeff just suddenly had the urge to take advantage of the sunny day outside, interrupting my forever chill mode with his type A personality. “it’s a beautiful day,” he said. “come on, let’s do an outdoor shoot.”

the other time, we were waiting for our favorite takeaway pizza.

can’t get any more random that, can you?

p.s. now i understand why models rarely smile. after a while, it does kind of hurt your jaw. at some point, you’re better off without it.