i don’t know how personal a personal blog can go but what i’m about to write is pretty personal. deeply personal. because it means so much to me and i want this christmas post dedicated to someone whose loss broke my heart a million times.

this is for my dog, cassy. who went missing on that last saturday of september this year. i dream about him every now and then. always, my dreams involve him coming back. but always, for some reason or another, he had to go. he could not stay.

the first two times i woke up crying. now, i wake up missing him more than ever, minus the tears in my eyes. my heart took over that job.

last night, i dreamed that that he came back. for good. and you know what they say about the meaning of dreams being the opposite? i hope they’re wrong. because in my heart of hearts, i still want him to come back. either in a form of a miracle, or me in constant denial.

you can’t just throw away 12 years. so for every year i spent with him, i am giving him a month of grieving. it’s only fair enough. i have 9 months more to go.

right now, i comfort myself with the thought that he’s probably out there on a great narnian adventure with the adorably annoying richipeep, sailing into the sunset on their way to meet aslan.

to gayle, al john, and ram who helped me post “lost dog” stickers all over talisay, thank you so much for your support. you have no idea how much it meant to me. even if in the end, we ended up eating halo-halo at melton’s and celebrating the korean festival at SM.

i know i should’ve posted this months ago but i didn’t have the strength. i only have half the strength now but if i don’t work up the courage to write this now, i doubt if i ever will.

and i don’t want cassy to become just a memory. this is my way of immortalizing him here. in this corner of cyberspace.