let me get this straight. i don’t eavesdrop. it’s not my fault if people talk when they know that strangers are within hearing radius. sometimes i pick up stories and take them at face value. sometimes, when the face value is far too superficial, i go for the market value. shop around other people’s life stories and emotions like i would when i’m buying notebooks that are not moleskine because picasso’s favorite notebook is just too expensive for my bulimic doodles.

but yeah, i pick up sadness and pain, too. because i have learned long before that people tend to sugarcoat the truth with little lies sprinked judiciously here and there. but i know those lies well. i met them at a cocktail party somewhere.

“oh, it is such joy to have a baby!”
“i am so happy with my life!”
“i am so happy with him!”

really? so you never complain about the diaper changes? the nights you didn’t sleep and had to work early in the morning? or the fact that you barely see him because he’s far too busy working?

point is, i just don’t think one can be too happy with life, or with somebody for that matter. because you can never have everything. if you did, then you’re both blessed and cursed at the same time.

so, anyway, three days ago, i was sitting in that little room again. reading, as usual. or trying to. and it’s probably not my most favorite topic in the world because it doesn’t give me the opportunity to philosophize lest i start philosophizing my damned insecurities but then these people started talking about — (brown eyes rolling) — weight.

girl to a guy: hey, you’ve gained weight!
guy: no, i haven’t. maybe it’s the shirt i’m wearing.
girl: do you know that if a guy gains weight, it means that he’s happy with his relationship?

that statement gave me a slight tic. kind of like a muscle spasm, actually. and well into the night, i thought about that theory. i tried to analyze the application of that theory to me. to my friends. to my dog.

cassy’s getting thin. does that mean he’s not happy with us anymore?
jelvin’s getting more rounded so he must very happy with roma.
al john has an average weight so he’s contented with gayle.

and ram — oh, boy. ram has been gaining weight and losing it over the years we have been together. what could that possibly suggest?

maybe he was happy with me for a couple of months. and then sad with me for the rest of the year. and then happy again. and then sad again. until he’s kind of so-so now because his body is getting tired of shuffling from one weight spectrum to the other based on how sporadically happy he is with me.

but the even bigger question is, during those times he was fat and happy, WHO THE HELL WAS HE HAPPY WITH? was it me? or was it someone else?