random thoughts on a sleepless sunday drive

driving barefoot at 90 km/hr while listening to smashing pumpkin’s landslide gave me a certain feeling of calmness i normally wouldn’t feel without the speed. there’s a certain sentimentality in watching the whole world blur as you pass them by. you recognize their existence, if only for a fleeting moment. and then they’re gone. and you immerse yourself in solitude. it’s just you and the music. just you and your thoughts.

suddenly i am reminded of how different today is from yesterday. how the wind seems to be at peace with itself and the sun happy and shining, when only yesterday the heavens threatened of an impending storm. a hollow threat. a bark without the bite. it’s amazing how the weather can be so angry one minute and calm the next. it’s just as fickle-minded as the people around it. constantly changing its mood in a heartbeat. blink once and there it goes again.

halfway through the song, i start to realize how hard it is to trust people, as i signal right to overtake another vehicle abiding by the 60 km/hr limit. it’s another one of those rules i didn’t need at that moment. my whole life i’ve been following a lot of unwritten mandates on how to best live my life. i deserve some time out from all that. at least for a few minutes. a girl needs to breathe once in a while. exhale everything away to suck in some fresh air.

and exhale everything away i did. telling myself that i don’t need to give a damn about people who couldn’t even get their facts straight. people who have the tendency to mess up everything you say. comprehension problem, perhaps. the funny thing is, they’re the very same people who talk the most. blabbing everything that comes into their little heads, as disorganized as their thoughts may be. while the rest of the other morons listen. another twisted story to be told in the grapevine. i refuse to get into that. more than anything, i learned how important it is to shut up. talk about nothing but trivialities. nothing personal or opinionated. they couldn’t handle that. and i wouldn’t want their brains to explode.

aside from people i physically and emotionally keep my distance from, i also thought about the people i run to. the ones i love. and how they make my life more than what it actually is. and for that i am truly grateful.

i am grateful for everyone who came into my life and stayed. grateful even to those who left. because from them i learned. i wouldn’t be who i am right now.

i guess my life is a 90 km/hour drive down the highway with one hand on the wheel and the other on the stick shift, watching everything whiz by as i blindly stare forward at the road that would finally lead me home after a sleepless night.

p.s. amazing how i was able to think all that with just one song. imagine the depth of my thoughts if you make it two.

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