Jesus, my own Jesus – I am only thine – i am so stupid – i do not know what to say but do with me whatever you wish – as you wish – as long as you wish. (but) why can’t i be a perfect Loreto nun – here – why can’t i be like everybody else.

Tell me, Father, why is there so much pain and darkness in my soul?

and so the question remains… what is faith? is it manifested in the litany of endless prayers recited verbatimly from age-old novenas and booklets? or is it the silent struggle for redemption by a mere insignificant mortal searching for answers to calm a turbulent soul?

i don’t know. perhaps i’ll never know. but at least i’m not alone in this spiritual solitude. Mother Teresa suffered from it to — for years. and in a way, it comforts me to know that even saints grope in the dark too; that in silence they questioned God and whether he truly exists or not. Perhaps faith is not merely an act of passively accepting God but of actively seeking God in our daily lives to the point of questioning his existence. and that’s okay. as one prayer goes, “seek and you shall find.”

(quotes taken from The Secret Life of Mother Teresa, TIME magazine, September 3, 2007.)